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| (Not actually my library, but I wish. It looks like heaven.) |
It’s officially starting to feel like college season. Textbooks scattered across the floor; notes
to myself strewn over the desk like falling leaves (most of which don’t make
sense after I write them); a lone coffee pot sitting expectantly beside my math
folder; a page full of fragments, doodles, and beautiful words (if I ever
scrounge up the money for another tattoo, I’ll have TONS of ideas); and my
perpetually overstuffed green backpack slouched against the chair. This, all mixed in with remnants of summer: a
box of seashells bought on a whim from a flea market (what I’ll do with them I
have no idea), my now-broken Chacos lying in a heap beside the fan, a paper bag
of tea from Central Market on the bookshelf, and letters and photos from camp. Lots of them, everywhere. I like my clutter. I think it reflects a healthy sense of
creative chaos.
Anyhow. College.
As I might have mentioned in a previous post, my college experience is a
bit different than the norm. I’m taking online classes through a community college three hours away. I’ve been to the actual college once, over a
year ago, and that was to register for my first semester. Haven’t been back since. My reason for deciding to do college this
way is pretty simple: it’s what I can afford.
Yeah. That’s really all. Online college is full of both blessings and
curses. Honest confession: I’ve been
feelin’ the curses a lot more recently. Here
are some general tidbits about my school experience:
- I spend a lot of time in front of a screen, obviously. To the level where I can sometimes feel my eyeballs drying out.
- Even though my classes are not “do it at your own pace”, they’re not real-time either. So as long as I meet my deadlines, I can read/watch lectures and do my homework whenever I fancy.
- Sometimes when I say “I take online classes”, I feel like I have to make up all these really big, fancy reasons as to why online college is just as real as… well, real college. And then I get annoyed with myself for being so insecure. So I won’t give you any big, fancy reasons. Take my word for it: you do as much work in an online class as you would any class on campus.
- A speech class online is probably one of the worst things you could do to yourself. I gave my first speech via webcam in a magnificent thunderstorm. Then the power went out.
- For someone who likes to learn with all five senses, being mostly limited to a stationary setting is enough to make me want to leap out the window sometimes.
- One time in a conversation about college, a well-meaning person told me, “I could never do online classes. I’m a verbal processor.” This verbal processor would like to respectfully disagree. It’s not my first choice, not by a long shot. But hey, you do what works. And you find ways to compensate.
- Learning online is not as simple as I assumed upon starting this whole gig a year ago. Self-motivation is the key. Unfortunately, I’m still looking for this key. If you ever find it, let me know. I’ll most likely be barricaded in my room, pounding out a research paper the night before it’s due.
I hope that those few snippets have given you a glimpse into
the world of virtual higher education.
For my part, these past two weeks have been quite a struggle for
me. Lots of days spent missing people,
craving diversity and a change of scenery, wondering what it would be like to
sit in a classroom with other students and have the luxury of talking
face-to-face with my professor if I wanted.
Don’t get me wrong, there are many things about my situation that I
appreciate so, so much. Not having a
rigid schedule is great. Being able to
pick my own hours at work is great.
Living right next door to Penn State and being able to make use of the
enormous libraries and take the bus everywhere is great. Having the flexibility for things like road
trips and spending time with friends is wonderful. After all, it’s not like I spend all my time
locked away in my room, staring at the computer with a glazed expression (just
sometimes). And when that does happen,
the rule is this: go play. Go for a
walk, get a snack, explore, see something new, read a book I actually like,
listen to some music, have a private dance party, meet up with a friend, grab
the sisters and go running. But still…
sometimes a girl gets stir-crazy. Part
of it also has a lot to do with transitioning from such an adventure-filled
summer away from home.
This week I
spent loads of time daydreaming about traveling and concocting crazy schemes
about things I’d like to do after college.
Also… tattoos. ANYWAY. Friday into today I ended up taking a
much-needed trip to Elizabethtown
to visit some very dear friends from camp.
Seeing them again did my heart so much good (guys, I hope some of you
are reading this – I love you more than I can say). Laughter, stories, firelight, playground
adventures, a bare-handed cake-eating contest, soccer ending in a broken garage
window, creek explorations… it was one of those weekends that left my soul
overflowing with good things. On our way
back from the creek, all of us thoroughly soaked and happy as thunder rumbled
in the distance, Anna grabbed my hand, smiled, and said, “I’m completely
content right now.” I realized so am I,
and it was a wonderful feeling. I am so
grateful for friends that I can be childlike with. Friends that I can laugh with. Friends who love to dream big dreams.
I should be
grateful more often, and I’m not. I wish
I knew the secret of being content in every situation, and I don’t. This semester is what it is, and online college
still frustrates the heck out of me on bad days, and I’m still longing to go
explore faraway places and my heart is homesick for things I can’t even name…
but here I am. And… honestly I’m not
sure if I feel okay with that or not.
Right now contentment is a bit of a day-to-day thing.
Today I was,
though. And it felt really good.
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